I find it a little telling that I am anticipating some sort of disaster or heartbreak. My life right now feels peaceful. Which makes me nervous. I have become so accustom to the battlefield that I feel out of place   when I'm not 'surviving'. I feel like I am just waiting for my car to break down or some ailment to strike me.  Jeremiah 29:11 just seemed to manifest differently in my life. I felt that the 'fire' i endured would be my blessing and this side of heaven I wouldn't really get to understand it. The part that is hardest for me to wrap my mind around is that I haven't been praying lately, or reading my Bible. Is this just the enemy keeping me luke warm? My friend the other day said to me, "Christians don't think it's from God unless they are totally suffering or don't want to it." I laughed cause it is so true in my own world. I miss my time in the word and journaling to the Lord, but I still haven't been able to define what "relationship" means between Jesus and I. What does He want out of it? Otherwise aren't we then only pursuing in vain. Pray for me to have understanding, because I miss Him.