Who am I too you? Who am I darling....

To....

a quiet christmas day, the importance of good coffee, biting lips and nervous smiles, fear and walls, depth and tragedy, strength and discipline, the birth of magic and it's tragic loss, button's, belly laughter, conversations, walks, music, the hope of a happy ending, the devastation of feeling deceived and the sound of your voice...warmth.

My heart is broken, did I tell you that? Not by you, but by the innumerable tragedies I have seen, felt and even sometimes experienced. I ping pong back and forth with just wanting to be in heaven, where there is no sin, or wondering if there is even a "good" God out there. I felt Him when I was with you. I have known love of all kinds, but you made Him more real to me. It's what I miss most about you. Maybe I just miss Him.

Him,
Where have you been? I miss you and need you! My heart aches for hope. My eyes long for something other than the tragedy that haunts us. The gravity of loss that we are forced to witness is an evil I cannot even acknowledge. Children.....    Where are you? Where is your perfect love? I don't know what to pray. I know in the depths of my soul that You are all that is constant and perfect but I lack faith. I don't know how to encourage others when it seems we are being defeated regularly and well. I cling to your promises that remind me again and again that we are to not be afraid. I can't imagine the vastness of what you must of bore that day on Calvary. Lord, show me in the quietness how to pray for those that have lost.
 love, me

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus." Romans 3: 23-26

I never tire of the "good news"!! I grow tired and weary and often just exhausted by life, but the hope I find in Christ never stops consuming me. I have been enjoying the lights of my christmas tree this evening thinking upon the night in the manger where it all started. What would it have been like to experience the miracle birth. I think of it medically (being a labor and delivery nurse and all) and I wonder about the experience spiritually. i would have loved to deliver baby jesus. Can you imagine? I would probably have wept over him, gushing with love, and overwhelmed with the honor of being able to do something for Him. Mary must of had such a unique relationship with our savior. I would love to have talked to her about it. I'm excited for this Christmas. I'm excited to love my patient's with the love of Christ and to serve others so that I might serve Him. I'm beyond grateful and words cannot express how much I feel the blessing of His sacrifice and the hope of His life!!! Merry Christmas everyone! I pray that we all carry His light to the world, the greatest gift we can give~