His love never fails. (I knew what I was taking about when I chose that as my senior quote in highschool. just took me a decade to realize it.)

I got to hike Squaw-peak mountain today, which is one of my favorite things in the world to do. I have had about a two year hiatus from hiking or working out of any kind due to some severe sciatic pain in my left leg. I cannot even tell you the tears I have cried out to God over the loss of my most favorite hobby. I love exercise. It's just healing in so many ways. Living without it has really allowed me to appreciate it even more. The thing I love most about the mountain isn't the sweat or the calories burned but the time alone in my head. Almost every other situation in life I have about 8 million thoughts traveling at light speed all at the same time. It's exhausting. But when I hike and I have my headphones in something magical happens. God just feels present and the answers to life feel simple. Today was no different; I was overwhelmed with gratitude over so many different things. I have now hiked twice in a week with no residual leg pain which is probably one of my top ten greatest mercies of God I have experienced. Also, I am happy. Happy sounds to cliche', I guess I'm full of joy. Life is really good. Not just today or lately but as a whole. I look back even a couple of years and thinks how hard everything seemed and never ending. Narnia's endless winter felt real to me. I remember this blog being cathartic and feeling necessary for hope. I was writing to God, to the world that I was just barely hanging on, but yet still keeping faith that God was listening and going to show up in my life. What today's clear head gifted me felt so special.  God has been with me all along weaving this perfect tapestry of my life. I'm not angry or sad about any of it. I'm overwhelmed with His complete and perfect grace. I celebrated my youngest sister Grace's baby's first birthday this weekend. It feels like my family has finally come in to a place of comfort. For so much of my childhood and life as an adult I just sensed chaos or an underlying discomfort but now my siblings and my mom all seem to know who they are and I enjoy them. We love each other and each others children. It felt warm and fuzzy like I had always imagined families should feel. I also feel safe in my own skin. A lot of that has to do with the incredible love I get from my husband. He is a soft place to fall and he loves me like I have never been loved and it is awesome. I wonder if I would be in this place of total peace about the entirety of my life if I weren't married to Adam. He has been so integral to my hearts healing that it's hard to imagine but I do believe that God has orchestrated every detail just perfectly. I was thinking about writing this out while coming down the mountain today. I went through a gamut of scenarios on what people might think about this or should I even bother, but I decided that God's gifts to us should be shared. There is so little "magic" it seems that when we experience or understand for even a moment the love of God it should yelled from the rough tops. I want to say that if you are in a place of struggle or trials to hold on, keep faith, believe that He is with you and working ALL things together for the good. Winter is a just a season. A time in which God uses to mold and develop maybe even the best parts of ourselves. I don't regret my first marriage, the amount of time I tried to honor God and my beliefs by staying in it. I wouldn't change the challenges that my family faced or the way my parents raised me. I feel like it all makes perfect sense to where I am today....JOYFUL.